Over time people change. Things change, relationships change, economies change and so on. As we grow older, our needs and desires shift. We change our mindsets and we just behave differently.
When we are young, we seek out a mate, whether for short term or long term. We do so to fulfill our basic desires and "needs". We look different, we behave different, we are not altogether "ourselves". Some times we exagerate a little, we embelish a little, we pretend just a little. We do so to make ourselves that more appealing to our potential mate.
I remember how I looked when I was in my early 20's. I was athletic, I had nice abs, I exercised regularly. I ate worse than I do now, and I drank a little more too. But in essence, I was more active. Finding a mate was never an issue for me. I was comfortable in my own skin, I was happy with my achievements, and I had a personality that people really liked. I was just the right person I needed to be. Or so I thought.
As I got older, I eventually found a partner. Okay, I found more than one. But for interest sake I will refer to my experience with my current partner, my wife. We have been together for over 12 years. In those years we have had many ups and downs. More downs in my mind. However, I always had that level of optimism that filled me constantly. I had faith that things would change and work out. They had too.
Now its common knowledge that most men cheat in some for or another. Dont fool yourselves guys....watching porn (without your partners knowledge) is cheating. Looking at dating sites - "Just in the sake of being curious" - is cheating!. Its no better flirting with a stranger than sleeping with one. At least that is how your partner will perceive it. When there is an idea of indescretion, then there is a possible suggestion you will cheat. In some form or another.
I have come close to cheating on more than one occassion. I refer to the more "Serious" form of cheating - with another woman. I almost believed I loved her, when in fact I loved the fact she fawned over me, paid attention to me, praised me and wanted me. Something, at that stage, I hadnt experienced for some time from my own wife.
I remember standing at the altar. I remember the promises made. I remember why we fell in love and decided to get married. I know I changed, but I didnt change who I am. I picked up a few extra pounds, settled into home life, and became a married man. However, I never stopped being physical with my wife. I didnt stop appreciating how sexy she was. I never stopped telling her or showing her that I still found her sexually desirable. No....she did that. She changed. She stopped....and it isnt fair. Am I to blame because what we were before, what desires and satisfactions we had before just disappeared? Did I just become undesirable?
Her promise to me, to love me, honour me, that changed. I never did. So now we ask ourselves, or at least women do, as to why their husbands cheat. Does this mean that I support a man that cheats? The answer is Yes, Yes I do. We have basic desires that stopped being fulfilled by our wives. How can they just expect us to switch off our basic desires because they have? How can we be expected to change the very essence of what we are? When we met, sex was regular, sex was fun. Now, its a chore. Now it happens so infrequently. There is no excitement, no passion, no thrills. No dress ups, nothing!! Am I responsible?
I share the responsibilities we have with our child. I share in the household as much as she does. I provide equally. I am tired after a long day of work. But I make the time and show the interest in sex. She doesnt. Is this my fault? Is her needs more importnat than mine? Am I just another chore? In my experience, I am. I dont fear my wife, but I also dont open up to her. I cannot just say whats on my mind, or discuss how I feel. Otherwise its a personal attack on her, in her own eyes that is. So, I just try and try, and continue to fight the urges to cheat. I dont know for how long. I have been fighting for my relationship. Every big fight we have had about this issue has resulted in us almost living seperately at times. I have done everything (and I mean everything) that she has ever asked of me to change. But the two things I have asked of her, has never changed. Yet I always feel responsible.
Sometimes I despise myself for having thoughts of other women. Let me tell you, if there was no porn for men that dont have a physical relationship with their partners, there would be a lot more actual cheating. So some times women should be grateful. Its either that, or your partner sleeping with someone else.
I dont know where my future will be with my wife. We recently had another huge fight about this. I am still living in our lounge. I try and hold on. I try and believe that maybe, just maybe....things will change. But I have been holding onto that notion for a very long time. We have a very young son. I love him more than anything in this world. He is my first priority, always. I am not the typical husband. I still try and praise my wife. I look after my son like a mother does. I cook, I clean, I do chores. I am a man through and through. Yet, things never seem to change in my favour.
So, I dont expect that every cheating issue is based on these experiences. Some times men cheat because they think with their dicks, rather than their hearts. I know that I am a good lover. I am very passionate. I know that if I had to have sex with another woman, she would wonder why my wife wouldnt want that from me. I know this, because I know myself. I havent had sex with my wife in over 2 years. Is that normal? Why havent I cheated yet? For one reason....My Son. I dont want to lose him. I cant imagine a night that would go by that I couldnt tuck him into bed, and kiss him, or play with him, read to him. If I lost that, I dont know how I would cope.
I dont know what to expect from this blog. There is so many things I could add. There are things that I could say. Marraige isnt easy. But nothing worth fighting for, ever is. I miss having sex. I miss a woman touching me, kissing me, and telling me how great I am. I miss the intimacy and the passion. I may never feel that again with my wife. Somehow, deep inside my heart, I know this.
I just hope that woman will look inside themselves and see whether or not they dont ignore their husbands, forget to make them feel special, slow down on the sex completely. Im not saying that every situation is the same, just that mine is not unique. Its not just me. I know that women know they become like this. So, is it okay to expect that your husband will remain faithful when you stop showing him passion, how much you want him, and having sex on a regular basis? That is for you to decide.
As the time goes on, I will post more. Add a few more things onto the blog. Sometimes, its nice to just vent.
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